Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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