You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
