Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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