well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
