Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
