You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
