I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
