U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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