Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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