My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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