totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
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