The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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