You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
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