I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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