Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Dicks are not precious.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
