Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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