you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
