I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
