i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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