I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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