Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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