The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
