I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
