omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
