My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
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