had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
