just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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