life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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