Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
