he puts the penis in happiness.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I love having hate sex.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
