so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
