I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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