Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
