He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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