bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
did i just pee glitter
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
