life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
