im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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