Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
