Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
