at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Randomize
