i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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