In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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