I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
