Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
