Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
