Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
