I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
