dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
