If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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