Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
