last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
