Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
