the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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