I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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