Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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