Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
