Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
