i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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