she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
