he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
