I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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