yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
