Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
