New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
