Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
