her vagine was all disorganized.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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